Grrrrrrr Makes Me want to cry!

Grrrr somethings that I just can't do because Rogelio is not here....Sometimes I can't take care of my own health! It drives me crazy! I want to go to the doctor for me. I am sick and I don't know whats wrong...but going to the doctor most likely is going to tell me whats wrong and how I can get better. Yeah sounds pretty easy right? Yeah not for me. Every time I want to go to the doctor for myself I have to get someone to watch my children. Witch no one wants to. Then when someone actually wants to then alot of the times they don't show up or just say sorry I'm sick or grrrrr too bizzy today. Also I always feel even worst going to the doctor because its always so hard for anyone to watch my kids and causes tuns of stress in other peoples life.

See if Rogelio was here he could watch the kids and I wouldn't have to feel so bad or wait a month to go to the doctor. Rogelio always went with me to the doctor it was a family thing. We never went alone. Who ever saw the doctor the other person watched the kids at the doctors office.

I think its so hard and wrong that I feel that way just to be able to go to the doctor. It frustrates me so much and makes me sad and angry at the same time! I always think why can't Rogelio be here why can't he be the one helping me. For you people out there that have a closed mind this is not something to say to me EVER!! " you know there are alot of single moms out there if they can do it you can do it alone too" NO!!!!!! Trust me its not the same at all!!! People listen....put your self in my shoes! Those people who are single moms choice that life most of the time. They put there self in that spot. They can choice to not be a single mom also. They can always find someone!

Me I can't find someone because I already have my someone! Rogelio is the one and only love in my life. The only person that I want to be with for the rest of my life. The father of my two boys. My other half. So where dose that leave me right now? In limbo hes not here our relationship is over the phone and on the computer. Sure dose not seem like much but we don't have a choice to make it different we have to go threw the process of the immigration system. I am in so much pain knowing he is not here not having him here is like a knife in my heart! Sometimes you can't breath sometimes you just cry. Its hard. You are stuck in one spot and can't move. Rogelio and My life always went fwwd intel all of this.

Life is so hard but as Rogelio and I always say someone always has it harder then us.

Living Life One Phone Call At A Time...

Last night I got to talk to Rogelio after not talking to him for a few days because I can not afford calling cards. We got to talk for a hole 8 Mins!! $2.00 calling card. I need to find other calling cards that last for more Mins. I have tryed many calling cards but they are all about the same. The only difference is some calling cards charge you a min even if they don't pick up and others don't charge you.

Rogelio said that his brother is still gone to another city working because his town dose not really have jobs right now. He will return in a month or two when that work is finished. How alot of work goe's down there is do the job intel its done then it stops and you have to find another job intel they start that job agian. Some people decide not to hire you back on others say come back in a few months. So inless you have your own business or you work for a family company its harder to have a steady job.

So he has been eating fish that he catches and rice almost everyday because right now I don't have more money to send him. He will change that at the end of the month. I asked him to go on web cam but he is not able to due to the fact he needs money to go on. He said he has $1.00 left but he is going to buy eggs tommw and get some yucas from his brother so he can eat something different. He also trys to eat over at his family's alot because foods so expensive when you have nothing.

When ever someone invites him to eat he gets so happy because that's food he gets to have that is not fish or rice. Don't get me wrong Rogelio LOVES FISH! I think that he would live at the river or lake if he could:)

I had a dream last night. It was that Rogelio had just showed back up at our house and that he was finally home! Oh man how good did that feel I thought I was in heaven!! It felt so real!!!! He told me that everything was ok now and that he is able to be here. Then for some reason we all decides to go back to Ecuador all of my main family! so We had to get a same day ticket but Rogelio and I had to drive to FL. So on our way down there he told me we have to sneak across the border....I was like why? Then he told me that he was really not supposed to be here and he snuck across!! I was like omg NO!!!! Rogelio why did you do that? I thought it felt so real then I woke up, it was good that I was just dreaming but it was also too bad. I was finally happy but then sad. I never would want him to sneak anywhere for me. I just want to go by the law and make sure everything done the right way! But still felt good that he was finally home:(

before I knew it our 8 mins on our call was up and I had to say goodnight and goodbye!:( I hate saying that to him on the phone and I hate saying goodbye. I wish I could say see you later or something else but it drives me crazy. Tommw I will call him again and talk for another hole 8 mins! Not a day goe's by that I don't wish he was home!! People in the National Visa Center and the Department of State in Ecuador need to work fast!!

Feels like it has been forever since I saw you!

So the other day I saw Rogelio on web cam. We always chat on web cam since he has been gone. He shaved his mustache!!! He looks so different! He said that he looks younger. I said that I rather see him with a mustache! Then after the 2nd time we web camed together and I saw it the lights at Cyber were on more and he was not wearing a hat. He looked totally good. I think I like him not having a mustache anymore:)

Geazzzz Lighting dose make a difference! I can't wait intel we are able to go down to Ecuador to see him! Seems like its been forever. My oldest son wet his bed last night then when I asked him why he wet his bed he said I don't know, but mom when papi comes back I will not wet my bed anymore.

My older son was fully potty trained before Rogelio left to Ecuador then he started having problems, when we took him to the doctor to talk about it the doctor said it has alot to do with Rogelio being gone. When we were in Ecuador he did not wet the bed or have a accident except for one time! That was such a shock! I know it has alot to do with Rogelio not being here:( Makes me sad:(

My older child still can't wait for his papi to come home he keeps saving his money to get plane tickets he is one determined child:)

Missing out on life...

So today is a BBQ at my family's house. I can't go because of my surgery. It is so hard to sit down and drive a long way. I wish that Rogelio was here because he would be able to drive up there. Seems like we miss out on alot because Rogelio is not around.

Gosh I wish comcast had a calling plan for Ecuador calls to a cell phone! Grrrr just because Rogelio has a cell phone not a home phone the phone bill is so high and phone cards are so much money!! Dear Comcast get a plan for cell phones!!!

My son is sad because his papi is not here yet!

So my 6 year old and I went to the doctor today, after our doctors appointment he asks me why is papi not here yet? Why can't we go pick him up? Then he said I saw on t.v. that he can fly when he wants to come places. I told my son...that's not how it works with papi we have to wait and go threw the immigration system because papi dose not have papers here. He still dose not understand it all. It is so hard to explain things to a 6 year old he listens to every word and still thinks other things. He yelled at me today saying it was my fault for papi being gone. Sometimes I have not a clue what to do when he gets like this.

I let my 6 year old talk on the phone with his papi but he never wants to get off the phone. I can't wait intel Rogelio is able to come back home to us. It is making us have so many problems and depression with everything. I wish there was just something you could say or do that would make him come back asap! If anyone knows how to do that, it would be great.

My younger son knows who his papi is and every time he sees his picture he says PAPI!!! Sometimes he even says I wannna papi! He is starting to understand everything.....Still can't wait intel he gets to come home. Seems like its been forever!

I wish that it was what I wanted to hear not what I heard.

So I went to my Lawyers office today with my mom well my father watched my kids. Our lawyer told us some good news being that he mailed our last papers to the National Visa Center witch I am totally happy that its actually on the way there. We had to pay our lawyer $100.00 to translate some of the papers that we gathered from Rogelio since they needed to all be in English.

So what happen today was I was going to the lawyers office to talk to him about the next steps in the case. I had wrote him a e-mail after I got to him the last papers and he told me that we needed to meet to talk about all of the next steps and so forth. I still think that we could have talked over the phone. It is hard to go out there because its in Minneapolis and right off of 35W.
Anyways here is what he told me that's going to go on.

When the National Visa Center receives our paper work that we sent to them they will open it and look it over and make sure everything on the forms are there and correct. Then we will get a letter saying that it is being fwd to the Department Of State. That process alone our lawyer said will take between 60-90 Days! That's such a long time!! I hoped he would be back by then!

Then when the Department of state will contact us and say that they got the file and they will schedule a interview. It will take about 30 days from when they get the file to schedule a interview.

They will have the interview within a month of us getting the notice.

Our Lawyer says that the first interview will be declined. The first interview is proving that our marriage is valid and that we have still been having a relationship even though he is over there and I am up here. The only reason the first interview is declined is because Rogelio was in the U.S.A. more then a year with out a visa.

At the first interview they will ask for a wavier to be filed, once the wavier is filed ( that waves the 10 year bar he has on him) then they will schedule another interview witch will take 2-6 months!!!!!!!!

The 2nd Interview is proving hardship I am sorry Extreme hardship not just any hardship but it has to be extreme hardship! That's totally what we have been going threw the 562 Days that hes been gone! They ask him tuns of questions at the interviews too.

Then if he passes the interviews then he gets to come back. Our lawyer said at the interview they usually will give him that same day a stamp sticker that goes on his passport and then he can come home within a week. He said sometimes it takes them a week to get the stamp sticker but still that part sounds good!

Our lawyer also said that he dose not see them denies the case but if they do there is options such as file a new wavier and reapply witch is a year and a half wait!!

I doubt that he will be denied because I think that we have enof Prof that we are in a real relationship and we really do love each other. So I am not worried about that at all. Our lawyer is not also.

I asked our lawyer today if there was anything else that we can do to speed things up and he said no. He also did say if there was anything that he finds that he can do to speed things up he will. So I just know what that means. I will have to take it upon myself to find a way some how to get Rogelio back here faster. OR someone to help speed up the process. If anyone has any ideas at all feel free to tell me any of them.

I love to hear from everyone and any questions you have its fine to ask.Rogelio Really misses everyone back home here and can't wait to come back. We have been web caming more then normal latly its been nice. I can't wait to be able to go back to see him down there. Any donations? Lol I will take all:) I wish that it was like $300.00 per person to go! Or free:) I am going to write on here when ever I have updates or maybe everyday I don't know yet but I thought it would be a great idea of letting others know whats going on with me and my family.

Pray that Rogelio can come back sooner! Love ya all. p.s. if anyones reading this and is going threw the same thing let me know I would love to conpair notes:)

Ecuador Day 5-7

So After we got back from shopping we were off to see more family member I met so many people I can't remember all of there names. His family is all nice and accepting of me. I felt like really loved. It is really different to meet Rogelio's family since I have only meet his brother and some cousins before. There was always the want to meet his family but they just live so far away so I am so glad that I went on the trip. I never knew how it was to have another half of my family Intel I went and its great!!

The candy down there they will sell by the peace. It is so cool and very cheap. I did notice though the candy they sell in the bags after you open the candy even if its wrapped it gets hard fast! Very odd. They had many different things in Ecuador. We even got to see the big pig Rogelio ate and got very sick off of because it was displayed in the window. You have to always be carefully what you eat when you are there. All of my friends that were here for a while and then went back to Ecuador have all gotten sick within two weeks of going back because they have to get used to the food again. Even Rogelio got sick the first week that he was down there. He was not used to boiling water then putting it in the re fridge to drink it later. Or boiling most of his food before he cooked it.

You can really tell who in the neighborhood and area don't have money and love you for giving you things. I love the gift of Giving without a return. Because the biggest return is to see how happy the people are when you give something to them when they have nothing. Giving just a bit of something weather it be a small peace of candy or $20.00 they are so happy and the look on there face and the words they say in return is such a gift.

There is this family that lives right next to Rogelio they are dirt poor they even go threw times where they have no food. We where hanging out at Rogelio's on the 6th day and asked them if they wanted to come and play ball in the house with Antonio and his cousin Joal and they where so happy and said yes! They were 3 girls under 10 years old. I went to the store and bought some juice boxes and candy and chips and all the kids shared them they were so happy to get something they were unsure of what to say but they were like are you sure this is alot! I was like yes take it its ok. The look on there faces and how happy they were it was great. Watching them eat and drink it was like they had never at en or drank before. That's what made me happy is to see that they were so happy for something I did what costed me less then $5.00.

Rogelio and I hung out together over the hole trip and meet many of his family members it was so nice and fun being with Rogelio and I wish that I would have been able to take him home with me hopefully soon enof.

One day we went to cuenca, I got so sick that day because of the car ride and Rogelio did not feel good too because he gets car sick too. It was sad we had to have Jonathan sit in the middle of us because both of us need to be by a window. We had a packed car! Lets see there was My Mom, dad the driver,Me,Jonathan,Antonio,Miguel,Rogelio,Monwell,Danyella,Marcello,Carmen,Mary,Monica,
Veronica,Pablo,Fabian so thats what 17 people in a van it was alot. and we left at like 5-6 am! We did not get there Intel like 12-1pm lets just say not driving totaly on roads and threw place's that you think that you are not going to make it. Its Scary!!!! On top of having a bumpy ride!
Jonathan was probley like when am I getting out of this car because I kept wanting to hold Rogelio's hand and we had to reach over him lol it was sad I felt bad for him but We were just big babys!lol We had tuns of fun doing everything I am not going to go into that much more story's because this is getting long but I will skip to the morning we left.

We were planing to have Monwell,Renee,Marcello,Carmen and Danyella go with us to the airport at like 7am but the driver got to our hotel early. He showed up like a hour or more early and said that we had to wake up and go now because the roads where going to close because something was going to go on with the streets I forgot what it was but it was something to do with protesting or something.

So we tyred to call Marcello and Monwell but they did not pick up and then later we found out that marcelo and carmen took a bus to meet us but we were not there because we had to leave and monwells car was not working. It was sad. So we never got to say goodbye to Marcello,Carmen or Danyella.

We drove to the airport the hole time Rogelio and I talking and Crying. It is so hard for me to see him Cry. We got to the airport and checked in and hung out for a while. Rogelio told me that he had to leave because he was scared that the street was going to close that he had to get back to his house. We walked him outside to the taxies and I huged him and kissed him so did the boys and I did not want to let go. Rogelio was crying so bad it was hard to see. That was another thing so hard for me to do. He left in the taxie and we went back inside waited for our plane and went home. Was so sad!! You will never know how hard it is to leave your husband Intel you have been threw what I have been thew. it sucks!!!