Grrrrrrr Makes Me want to cry!

Grrrr somethings that I just can't do because Rogelio is not here....Sometimes I can't take care of my own health! It drives me crazy! I want to go to the doctor for me. I am sick and I don't know whats wrong...but going to the doctor most likely is going to tell me whats wrong and how I can get better. Yeah sounds pretty easy right? Yeah not for me. Every time I want to go to the doctor for myself I have to get someone to watch my children. Witch no one wants to. Then when someone actually wants to then alot of the times they don't show up or just say sorry I'm sick or grrrrr too bizzy today. Also I always feel even worst going to the doctor because its always so hard for anyone to watch my kids and causes tuns of stress in other peoples life.

See if Rogelio was here he could watch the kids and I wouldn't have to feel so bad or wait a month to go to the doctor. Rogelio always went with me to the doctor it was a family thing. We never went alone. Who ever saw the doctor the other person watched the kids at the doctors office.

I think its so hard and wrong that I feel that way just to be able to go to the doctor. It frustrates me so much and makes me sad and angry at the same time! I always think why can't Rogelio be here why can't he be the one helping me. For you people out there that have a closed mind this is not something to say to me EVER!! " you know there are alot of single moms out there if they can do it you can do it alone too" NO!!!!!! Trust me its not the same at all!!! People listen....put your self in my shoes! Those people who are single moms choice that life most of the time. They put there self in that spot. They can choice to not be a single mom also. They can always find someone!

Me I can't find someone because I already have my someone! Rogelio is the one and only love in my life. The only person that I want to be with for the rest of my life. The father of my two boys. My other half. So where dose that leave me right now? In limbo hes not here our relationship is over the phone and on the computer. Sure dose not seem like much but we don't have a choice to make it different we have to go threw the process of the immigration system. I am in so much pain knowing he is not here not having him here is like a knife in my heart! Sometimes you can't breath sometimes you just cry. Its hard. You are stuck in one spot and can't move. Rogelio and My life always went fwwd intel all of this.

Life is so hard but as Rogelio and I always say someone always has it harder then us.